I wish that I was writing more here. Lord knows I spend enough time on the computer! But putting words together coherently takes a lot of energy these days, and whenever I think about writing about my surgery (it went well, kicked my ass at points, and the incision is still pretty tender) or Thanksgiving (it was very special having my grandparents with us ... I cried when they left), my brain cringes and I give up before I even start.
Which is kind of how I feel a lot of the time ... like giving up. I don't know that I'm clinically depressed, but I definitely don't feel like my normal self. I haven't for a while. Overwhelmed, blue, fatigued, irritable. Did I mention overwhelmed? Totally and completely, at times.
Toby helps me a ton, and is incredibly understanding and patient, and the boys are both SO sweet, so good (most of the time, lol). So they are such a gift, while I muddle through my days. I love them so!
Anyways, that's why I haven't written lately. (I read about all of YOU, though ... I am so glad for this connection to the outside world!) I've been on a physical and emotional roller coaster since this spring and WRITING feels like too much a lot of the time. But, like with everything else, I haven't given up here. So please keep coming back. Because I DO hope that my old self will emerge soon.
Oh wow, I can soooo relate to how you feel. Lots of (((HUGS))) coming from me. I hope you feel back to yourself soon!
Posted by: Tara | December 10, 2008 at 10:29 AM
Hugs! Do you have my #? Because you could call me anytime. I so remember those days. I felt so WEIRD for such a long time post partum. Happy, sad, exhausted, hyper. It was like every emotion was threatening to blow me into a million smithereens (if I was up) or render me a lifeless blog (if I was down). See what I mean? Weird. Completely off. I muddled through and it's much better on this side. Hang in, babe. And seriously, call me if you ever need to talk. I wish Moms would talk MORE about this.
Posted by: Ninotchka | December 11, 2008 at 07:49 PM
ha ha - I meant "lifeless bloB" Freudian slip? :)
Posted by: Ninotchka | December 11, 2008 at 07:49 PM
Hmm. odd thing for me to say, but are you on thyroid medication yet? In addition to the transitions and everything else, it is differential diagnosis for depression. Maybe a little therapy is in order?
Posted by: Sarah | December 12, 2008 at 11:28 AM
Completely understandable that you're feeling this way, with everything that's going on with you emotionally and physically. Hopefully you'll get to the bottom of the physical issues soon and get on the proper meds to take care of things. And with the final move coming up, I'm sure once that's over it'll be a huge load off in the stress department. I guess what I"m trying to say is, hang in there and we're always here checking in on you when you need to vent/cry/whatever. Hugs to you, Rebekah. Glad to hear your men (big and little) are treating you like the wonderful woman/wife/mom you are.
Posted by: Jen H. | December 12, 2008 at 04:42 PM
Been there. It will pass. Sing praise hymns. Praising God gets your mind off your problems, whatever they are.
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