Boundary Lines

Hey all! First, I just wanted to thank you all for your continued support through all of this. I really do appreciate all of your broad shoulders and open arms. It's helped me more than you can imagine.

Second, I want to apologize if I am complaining about something that ultimately had such a positive, happy outcome. I realize that a healthy baby and mama is the most important thing at the end of it all, and I certainly have that. And THAT is what I am focused on most of the time. However, there are moments in the day where memories pop up that really bother me, and I very much want to put them to rest. I don't have very many people here other than Toby and my Mom that I can talk to about this sort of thing (most of my friends here in SF are pregnant with their first babies and it wouldn't be very helpful to share my experience with them!).

So. This is where I can come to work through everything.

Thank you for listening.

In the middle of writing an entry about Kellan's birth, which will probably take a while to finish, but learned today that my arms were strapped down for the entirety of the C-section. I had hoped they only did this when things got a little touchy and I was having a hard time, although even then I feel it was unnecessary. To learn that I was tethered to the table without cause or warning is very disturbing and upsetting. It's an inhumane and unnecessary practice, and I definitely want to find out why they did it.

I am feeling much, much better. Far less pain, even in just the last couple of days. It's funny ... when you're in pain for a long time and feeling so poorly, you really do start to think you might never feel normal again. Pain and illness really mess with your head after a while.

Also, it is AWESOME what pregnancy does to one's body. And I don't mean trying to lose a few lbs. I mean the permanent scars, stretching, sagging, extra skin that can't be fixed by any amount of cream, sit ups or exercise. WOO HOO! =P